I had a dream last night that made a big impression 😳

In it, my youngest daughter was getting married and I was totally uninvolved in the on-the-day preparations.
I didn’t even have an outfit to wear😳
My elder daughter was doing all the helping, as were Ali’s friends but I took myself out for a walk…in some place I did not recognize.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    After some wandering and thoughts of having a coffee, I realized that I had to get back for the ceremony but would they even miss me? 😳
Jumping on a bus, not knowing if it was going in the right direction nor if I would even recognize where to get off, I found myself back in our home, listening to all the preparatory commotion and pulling out clothes from my closet to see if there was anything that would suffice as an outfit.
My elder daughter appeared, wearing a simple non-bridesmaid, non-weddingy dress and told me that I needed to get ready.
When she left, I had the words of the Mama Mia song ‘slipping through my fingers’ sidle into my awareness and I started to cry.
My baby was getting married and she must be wondering if I even care. 🥲

When I awoke, the message that I had been given was clear.
Be more involved.

I am a mother who tries not to involve herself in her three childrens’ lives unless they ask me to.
I am forever reminding them that I expect nothing from them and that they don’t need to visit or call or message.
I do this because I believe they deserve their guilt free freedom from me…one that I was not afforded by my own mother.

This message clearly told me that I am in danger of stepping too far into the background of their lives, making them wonder if I care at all.

The generational sea saw of trying to find balance but overshooting the mark.

Messaging the bride this morning, she laughed and asked if she was marrying Harry Styles, to which I answered ‘probably but I don’t know’ which is not the answer a mother-of-the -bride wants to give.

When I told her that her sister and friends were organizing everything and that I didn’t have an outfit, she replied with ‘that sounds like something you could definitely do’…yikes😳

I told her that I don’t connect more because I don’t want them to feel that I am needy or intrusive but perhaps I come across as uncaring.

She reassured me with a ‘we love you’ and a ‘never needy or intrusive’ but did not address the ‘uncaring’ so I had to ask about that, to which she sent a laughing emoji with a ‘lol, no. I think you care’

Phew but now of course I am feeling like I am being needy and told her that so she sent me a David Rose Gif…and I relaxed and smiled.

I am very blessed to have three beautiful Souls who call me mama and who love me despite my lack of asking to be involved in their lives.

Going forward, I will remember this dream and it’s message.

My mother found it impossible to ask for help or visits or phone calls but she had a need of them and got prickly and quiet if we failed to meet her expectations.
She did not call us or ask if she could visit because she felt it was our job to do the calling and the visiting.
But perhaps she also did not want to be seen as intrusive or needy?🤔

Beginning today, I will make more effort to regularly connect with my three and try to authentically let them know how much I love and appreciate them…without becoming a pain in their necks by overstepping the fine line of mother & grown up child relationship